1 00:00:03,283 --> 00:00:06,275 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:24,771 NARRATOR: Man lives in the sunlit world 3 00:00:24,771 --> 00:00:29,231 of what he believes to be reality. 4 00:00:30,744 --> 00:00:34,181 But... there is, 5 00:00:34,181 --> 00:00:38,719 unseen by most, an underworld. 6 00:00:38,719 --> 00:00:42,389 A place that is just as real 7 00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:46,493 but not as brightly lit. 8 00:00:46,493 --> 00:00:49,257 A dark side. 9 00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:02,838 (wind whistling) 10 00:01:31,605 --> 00:01:35,175 Oh, what a godforsaken night. 11 00:01:35,175 --> 00:01:38,712 The whole world is swirling with snow ghosts. 12 00:01:38,712 --> 00:01:40,013 WOMAN: Don't talk that way, Henry. 13 00:01:40,013 --> 00:01:41,581 You know it gets me nervous. 14 00:01:41,581 --> 00:01:43,784 lt's snowing. That's all. 15 00:01:43,784 --> 00:01:46,753 Do you know what this Pete Rose is worth, huh? 16 00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:50,223 Would you believe people are waterskiing in Acapulco? 17 00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:52,092 Don't believe everything you read. 18 00:01:52,092 --> 00:01:53,927 Do you think God gets involved 19 00:01:53,927 --> 00:01:56,263 in which people get to own white yachts? 20 00:01:56,263 --> 00:01:57,798 (wind whistling) 21 00:01:57,798 --> 00:02:00,000 Listen to that. 22 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,970 Are those voices from hell or are those voices from hell? 23 00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:05,238 (Henry laughs) 24 00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:06,540 lt's only the wind. 25 00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:07,700 Wind is wind. 26 00:02:08,742 --> 00:02:10,444 Where's Seymour? 27 00:02:10,444 --> 00:02:12,379 (grunts ''l don't know'') 28 00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:14,176 Seymour! 29 00:02:17,717 --> 00:02:20,654 Why are you yelling? 30 00:02:20,654 --> 00:02:23,323 lt's Saturday night! 31 00:02:23,323 --> 00:02:24,458 When l was your age, 32 00:02:24,458 --> 00:02:26,159 that was prime hunting time! 33 00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:27,360 (chuckles) 34 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,595 You wouldn't catch Henry Strand home 35 00:02:28,595 --> 00:02:30,530 on a Saturday night, no, sirree, Bob. 36 00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:32,299 Oh, this rooster was out there crowing. 37 00:02:32,299 --> 00:02:34,568 Cock-a-doodle-doo! (laughs) 38 00:02:34,568 --> 00:02:36,203 Leave Seymour alone. 39 00:02:36,203 --> 00:02:37,604 Why does he have to knit? 40 00:02:37,604 --> 00:02:39,172 Why do you collect pictures 41 00:02:39,172 --> 00:02:42,075 of people in dumb uniforms holding bats? 42 00:02:42,075 --> 00:02:44,311 Seymour has homework to do. 43 00:02:44,311 --> 00:02:46,446 Why doesn't he do it in his own room? 44 00:02:46,446 --> 00:02:49,049 Well, this is as much Seymour's room as anybody's. 45 00:02:49,049 --> 00:02:51,785 l need a quiet house to concentrate, Dad. 46 00:02:51,785 --> 00:02:53,920 Remind me to check his birth certificate. 47 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,751 Those aren't my genes talking. 48 00:02:56,857 --> 00:02:59,426 What a nasty thing to say about your only son. 49 00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:01,261 Now, didn't he knit you that lovely sweater? 50 00:03:01,261 --> 00:03:03,923 lt's warm. l'm cold. 51 00:03:05,432 --> 00:03:08,268 -(Henry groans) -Oh, now calm down, Henry. 52 00:03:08,268 --> 00:03:09,836 You're always this way between the football 53 00:03:09,836 --> 00:03:11,827 and baseball seasons. 54 00:03:13,139 --> 00:03:15,073 -l'm going to walk the dog. -The dog is dead. 55 00:03:16,643 --> 00:03:17,744 lt died last month. 56 00:03:17,744 --> 00:03:20,914 Oh, Lord. l actually forgot. 57 00:03:20,914 --> 00:03:23,283 (wind whistling) 58 00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:24,718 My poor dog. 59 00:03:24,718 --> 00:03:26,486 SEYMOUR: Our poor dog. 60 00:03:26,486 --> 00:03:29,289 The dog was community property. 61 00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:31,658 Maybe we should get a new dog. 62 00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:34,327 (scoffs) Dog dies, get a new dog. 63 00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:35,629 (snaps fingers) Just like that! Hmph! 64 00:03:35,629 --> 00:03:36,663 SEYMOUR: lf you ask me, 65 00:03:36,663 --> 00:03:38,298 l think it committed suicide. 66 00:03:38,298 --> 00:03:41,768 That dog led a marvelous life! 67 00:03:41,768 --> 00:03:43,136 Oh, of course it did. 68 00:03:43,136 --> 00:03:44,638 Seymour is only joking. 69 00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:47,007 l'm surprised it didn't leave a note. 70 00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:49,609 Now, Seymour, stop baiting your father like that. 71 00:03:49,609 --> 00:03:52,045 He only wants what is best for us. 72 00:03:52,045 --> 00:03:54,047 (wind whistling) 73 00:03:54,047 --> 00:03:57,684 Ooh, that wind does sound nasty. 74 00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,886 Are you expecting a delivery? 75 00:03:59,886 --> 00:04:02,489 Yes, a Trim Track exercise machine. 76 00:04:02,489 --> 00:04:03,857 HENRY: l see something out there. 77 00:04:03,857 --> 00:04:05,025 Or somebody. 78 00:04:05,025 --> 00:04:06,426 SEYMOUR: lf they're kicking in unison, 79 00:04:06,426 --> 00:04:08,962 it's probably the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes. 80 00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:11,431 WOMAN: Hello? 81 00:04:11,431 --> 00:04:13,800 Don't tell me you didn't hear that. 82 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,769 -Hear what? -Listen. 83 00:04:15,769 --> 00:04:17,571 (wind whistling) 84 00:04:17,571 --> 00:04:19,673 There is something. 85 00:04:19,673 --> 00:04:20,662 (knocking on door) 86 00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:24,210 l've heard about this. 87 00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:25,946 They say their car broke down 88 00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:27,380 and they want to use the phone. 89 00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:29,049 Then you let them in and then they murder you! 90 00:04:29,049 --> 00:04:31,785 -(knocking on door) -Henry, call the police. 91 00:04:31,785 --> 00:04:34,354 And tell them what? Somebody's knocking on our door? 92 00:04:34,354 --> 00:04:35,555 Well, what are we going to do? 93 00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:36,890 Well, we just can't leave people 94 00:04:36,890 --> 00:04:38,692 out in the subzero cold. 95 00:04:38,692 --> 00:04:40,860 (shushing) 96 00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:44,197 lf we're quiet, maybe they'll go away. 97 00:04:44,197 --> 00:04:48,691 Unless they can smell warm blood through aluminum siding. 98 00:04:51,972 --> 00:04:53,873 l'll see who it is. 99 00:04:53,873 --> 00:04:55,864 Use your strong voice. 100 00:04:57,410 --> 00:04:59,412 (deep voice): Who's out there? 101 00:04:59,412 --> 00:05:01,815 WOMAN: Open, please. 102 00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:03,483 lt's a woman. 103 00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:05,474 They use women for bait. 104 00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:09,078 l'll keep the chain on. 105 00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:15,090 Yes? 106 00:05:16,963 --> 00:05:18,828 (Henry yelps) 107 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,315 My floor-- l just had it waxed. 108 00:05:35,315 --> 00:05:38,985 Thousands of pardons, but snow on the floor is good luck. 109 00:05:38,985 --> 00:05:43,056 Look, if you two have come here to sell us something... 110 00:05:43,056 --> 00:05:46,326 (chuckles) well, l can tell you right now, we're not buying. 111 00:05:46,326 --> 00:05:48,595 l assure you, we sell nothing. 112 00:05:48,595 --> 00:05:51,431 l suppose we should have called before dropping in, 113 00:05:51,431 --> 00:05:53,066 but we were so eager to... 114 00:05:53,066 --> 00:05:54,397 Called? Why? 115 00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:58,605 What a lovely room! 116 00:05:58,605 --> 00:06:01,808 Oh! Well... thank you ever so much. 117 00:06:01,808 --> 00:06:06,346 And a fortunate house to have such a charming mistress. 118 00:06:06,346 --> 00:06:07,781 Aw... 119 00:06:07,781 --> 00:06:09,449 Would you like a cup of tea? 120 00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:10,617 Tea?! 121 00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:13,687 Of course, the mandatory cup of tea. 122 00:06:13,687 --> 00:06:16,523 Now, where is the one with the look 123 00:06:16,523 --> 00:06:18,458 of a thousand vacant meadows? 124 00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:20,627 You mean Seymour? 125 00:06:20,627 --> 00:06:23,463 Uh, he was here a minute ago. Seymour! 126 00:06:23,463 --> 00:06:25,298 SEYMOUR: What? 127 00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:26,733 Come down here. 128 00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:29,169 We have company. lt's not polite. 129 00:06:29,169 --> 00:06:31,271 MAN (gasps): The child! 130 00:06:31,271 --> 00:06:32,602 (gong sounds) 131 00:06:39,112 --> 00:06:40,380 Who put you up to this? 132 00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:41,915 What an oversight. 133 00:06:41,915 --> 00:06:44,084 Allow me to introduce myself. 134 00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:47,187 l am Chai Fung, ambassador without portfolio, 135 00:06:47,187 --> 00:06:49,956 from the ancient kingdom of Lo Poa. 136 00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:51,391 This is my associate, 137 00:06:51,391 --> 00:06:54,794 our minister of the interior, Madame Wu. 138 00:06:54,794 --> 00:06:56,863 Wu. 139 00:06:56,863 --> 00:06:59,199 FUNG: She is overwrought. 140 00:06:59,199 --> 00:07:02,035 We spent last night at the Holiday lnn. 141 00:07:02,035 --> 00:07:04,337 lt was so hot, we had to open the windows, 142 00:07:04,337 --> 00:07:06,673 but the windows don't open. 143 00:07:06,673 --> 00:07:09,042 There was glass everywhere. 144 00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:11,377 Uh, l'm Henry Strand. 145 00:07:11,377 --> 00:07:13,747 This is my wife Ellen. 146 00:07:13,747 --> 00:07:17,417 And, uh, you seem to know Seymour. 147 00:07:17,417 --> 00:07:20,487 Only by visions. 148 00:07:20,487 --> 00:07:23,089 l'll get that mandatory cup of tea. 149 00:07:23,089 --> 00:07:26,392 -Uh... -Enough of the amenities. 150 00:07:26,392 --> 00:07:27,827 Time for business. 151 00:07:27,827 --> 00:07:29,529 We want your son. 152 00:07:29,529 --> 00:07:30,697 You want what? 153 00:07:30,697 --> 00:07:33,633 We must have the boy. 154 00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:36,703 (kissing continues) 155 00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:38,330 Stop it, you two! 156 00:07:40,073 --> 00:07:43,304 Do you mind if l sit? 157 00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:46,880 Does this throne vibrate joyously 158 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,348 upon the insertion of a quarter? 159 00:07:48,348 --> 00:07:50,517 What? Oh, sorry, no, no. 160 00:07:50,517 --> 00:07:52,018 No matter. 161 00:07:52,018 --> 00:07:55,522 The truest vibrations of pleasure come from the heart. 162 00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:58,958 Oh, what a nice way to put it. 163 00:07:58,958 --> 00:08:00,293 On the other hand, 164 00:08:00,293 --> 00:08:03,363 the vibrations that can come from a coin can be... 165 00:08:03,363 --> 00:08:04,430 SEYMOUR: Awesome! 166 00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:06,900 The lad is quick-- very witty. 167 00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,268 HENRY: What you said just now 168 00:08:08,268 --> 00:08:09,836 about, uh, wanting our son... 169 00:08:09,836 --> 00:08:11,271 ELLEN: There must be some mistake. 170 00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,072 Nobody wants Seymour. 171 00:08:13,072 --> 00:08:14,073 Ma! 172 00:08:14,073 --> 00:08:16,543 l mean, he's a late bloomer. 173 00:08:16,543 --> 00:08:17,874 Like his father. 174 00:08:18,812 --> 00:08:21,337 But he knits beautifully. 175 00:08:22,749 --> 00:08:23,983 What do you want him for? 176 00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:25,485 Somebody need a transplant? 177 00:08:25,485 --> 00:08:26,653 (laughter) 178 00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:28,288 Dad! 179 00:08:28,288 --> 00:08:30,490 Nothing like the warmth of a close-knit family, 180 00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:33,293 if l may venture a pun. 181 00:08:33,293 --> 00:08:35,295 But enough humor. 182 00:08:35,295 --> 00:08:39,632 As you may know, last month, our supreme lama, 183 00:08:39,632 --> 00:08:42,902 Hsi Shu'sha went to his reward 184 00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:46,005 when the Moon touched the tip of the sacred mountain. 185 00:08:46,005 --> 00:08:49,142 He was in his hundredth year, give or take. 186 00:08:49,142 --> 00:08:51,678 Oh, l'm so sorry. 187 00:08:51,678 --> 00:08:53,179 ln the Year of the Frog, 188 00:08:53,179 --> 00:08:56,282 which is the 12,000th anniversary of our country, 189 00:08:56,282 --> 00:09:00,520 the great Hsi Shu'sha nodded off into infinite slumber. 190 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,622 Those of us who remained 191 00:09:02,622 --> 00:09:05,158 were called upon to follow the sacred rites 192 00:09:05,158 --> 00:09:07,060 to search for his successor. 193 00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:08,695 We read the stars, 194 00:09:08,695 --> 00:09:11,030 consulted our books of parchment, 195 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:13,833 drank the pollen of the daisies that grow sideways 196 00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,702 and remained pleasantly dizzy 197 00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:17,303 for many weeks. 198 00:09:17,303 --> 00:09:19,305 The Moon, the birds, 199 00:09:19,305 --> 00:09:21,641 all earthly music pointed us here 200 00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:23,610 to this endless prairie of houses 201 00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:26,012 whose levels are split, 202 00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:27,714 and, finally, to this house-- 203 00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:31,351 the home of our revered and holy new lama. 204 00:09:31,351 --> 00:09:33,286 (gong sounds) 205 00:09:33,286 --> 00:09:34,776 Seymour?! 206 00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:38,825 (guffawing) 207 00:09:38,825 --> 00:09:42,028 Seymourlama?! 208 00:09:42,028 --> 00:09:43,689 (Henry continues laughing) 209 00:09:45,298 --> 00:09:47,901 (Henry shudders) 210 00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:51,037 Sir, if you laugh, 211 00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:53,306 l will be forced, by tradition, 212 00:09:53,306 --> 00:09:57,977 to eviscerate you and feed your entrails to a mongoose. 213 00:09:57,977 --> 00:10:00,146 Wh-Who-Who's laughing? 214 00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:01,814 And now, for the presentation of gifts. 215 00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:03,249 -ELLEN: Gifts? -(gong sounds) 216 00:10:03,249 --> 00:10:04,417 Madame Wu. 217 00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:06,686 (Fung speaks native language) 218 00:10:06,686 --> 00:10:07,820 Carried across the continents, 219 00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:11,557 priceless treasures from our country 220 00:10:11,557 --> 00:10:14,227 for the fortunate parents of the Chosen One. 221 00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,596 ELLEN: Oh, l love surprises. 222 00:10:16,596 --> 00:10:18,264 FUNG: Yak droppings from the privileged yaks 223 00:10:18,264 --> 00:10:21,334 who graze on the north slope of the glorious mountain. 224 00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:24,404 lt's not Everest, but we like it. 225 00:10:24,404 --> 00:10:27,607 You... really didn't have to. 226 00:10:27,607 --> 00:10:29,509 Our next gift. 227 00:10:29,509 --> 00:10:33,212 The final breath of our former lama, 228 00:10:33,212 --> 00:10:36,749 zipped and saved 229 00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:38,718 -(bag pops open) -especially for this occasion. 230 00:10:38,718 --> 00:10:40,486 Seals in freshness. 231 00:10:40,486 --> 00:10:42,055 l knew you'd like it. 232 00:10:42,055 --> 00:10:44,791 Rice from the first crop 233 00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:48,420 following Hsi Shu'sha's journey to the stars. 234 00:10:49,462 --> 00:10:50,797 Holy book? 235 00:10:50,797 --> 00:10:53,299 Recipes for the rice. 236 00:10:53,299 --> 00:10:56,291 And now, for the anticlimax. 237 00:11:05,078 --> 00:11:06,067 (lid creaks open) 238 00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:10,817 Are these real? 239 00:11:10,817 --> 00:11:13,619 l assure you, they are. 240 00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:15,254 HENRY: Diamonds. 241 00:11:15,254 --> 00:11:17,824 Amethysts. Pearls. 242 00:11:17,824 --> 00:11:19,692 FUNG: Mere tokens. 243 00:11:19,692 --> 00:11:21,561 Hints of things to come. 244 00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:24,263 -Huh? -At our lama's coronation, 245 00:11:24,263 --> 00:11:26,299 we go the whole way. 246 00:11:26,299 --> 00:11:30,403 Naturally, you and your husband will be our honored guests. 247 00:11:30,403 --> 00:11:33,840 Lo Poa will be yours. 248 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,541 Lo Poa. 249 00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:37,343 You know, we had that in Geography. 250 00:11:37,343 --> 00:11:38,544 lt's near Tibet. 251 00:11:38,544 --> 00:11:40,313 Nothing like Tibet. 252 00:11:40,313 --> 00:11:43,749 They're Reformed. We are Orthodox. 253 00:11:45,118 --> 00:11:46,449 Mr. Fung? 254 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,888 Do you honestly think 255 00:11:48,888 --> 00:11:52,125 that we would trade our only son for a few trinkets? 256 00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:55,661 Condemn him to an austere life of snow and ice? 257 00:11:55,661 --> 00:11:58,498 A life without... culture? 258 00:11:58,498 --> 00:12:00,666 No, l don't think so. 259 00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:03,136 FUNG: As progenitors of our lama-- 260 00:12:03,136 --> 00:12:05,204 the source of the source, if you will-- 261 00:12:05,204 --> 00:12:08,341 you and your mate will be dressed in silk and satin, 262 00:12:08,341 --> 00:12:11,277 bathed in the purest yak milk, 263 00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:13,679 given your weight in precious stones, 264 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:18,618 entitled to a ten percent discount at the bazaars. 265 00:12:18,618 --> 00:12:20,119 (Seymour clears throat, laughs anxiously) 266 00:12:20,119 --> 00:12:22,288 Uh, what about me? 267 00:12:22,288 --> 00:12:24,257 You? 268 00:12:24,257 --> 00:12:27,527 You, Seymour, will be hailed as our heavenly leader. 269 00:12:27,527 --> 00:12:30,830 Your every need will be anticipated and gratified. 270 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:35,334 Your every utterance will be inscribed by virgin scribes. 271 00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:36,969 Virgin scribes? 272 00:12:36,969 --> 00:12:39,739 And of course, you will have the honor 273 00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:42,475 of eating the bark of a sacred bung tree 274 00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:44,377 and regurgitating into the crater 275 00:12:44,377 --> 00:12:46,212 of our world-class volcano. 276 00:12:46,212 --> 00:12:47,847 Whoa, wait a second. Look, uh... 277 00:12:47,847 --> 00:12:49,549 You can just forget it, okay? 278 00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:52,185 HENRY: Uh, uh, Seymour makes impulsive decisions. 279 00:12:52,185 --> 00:12:54,554 -He's just a kid. -FUNG: Of course. 280 00:12:54,554 --> 00:12:58,424 Madame Wu, time for the Dance of the Stubborn Adolescent. 281 00:12:58,424 --> 00:13:00,415 (Fung speaks native language) ...go, run. 282 00:13:08,067 --> 00:13:11,170 Our weight in jewels! 283 00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:15,374 Silk, satins, yak baths... 284 00:13:15,374 --> 00:13:18,311 Discounts at bazaars. 285 00:13:18,311 --> 00:13:20,980 Oh... l don't know if it's the right thing for Seymour. 286 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:23,382 SEYMOUR: Do you want to go upstairs 287 00:13:23,382 --> 00:13:25,373 and check out my Beatles records? 288 00:13:29,288 --> 00:13:32,024 Do you think he should be alone with... 289 00:13:32,024 --> 00:13:33,693 Sign here 290 00:13:33,693 --> 00:13:38,364 and make your son the next lama of Lo Poa. 291 00:13:38,364 --> 00:13:39,832 -(Seymour laughs in distance) -Henry, Seymour isn't ready 292 00:13:39,832 --> 00:13:41,667 for a serious relationship. 293 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:42,869 l really don't think... 294 00:13:42,869 --> 00:13:46,806 -(Madame Wu laughing) -Think of a deep, dark, 295 00:13:46,806 --> 00:13:49,842 ''Lo Pee'' mountain tan. 296 00:13:49,842 --> 00:13:53,112 Sign here, Mrs. Strand. 297 00:13:53,112 --> 00:13:55,681 Now, come on, Seymour. Act your age! 298 00:13:55,681 --> 00:13:57,842 (Madame Wu moans passionately) 299 00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:03,356 (gong sounds) 300 00:14:03,356 --> 00:14:05,347 HENRY: Way to go, tiger! 301 00:14:06,692 --> 00:14:09,762 And you said the hospital must've switched babies. 302 00:14:09,762 --> 00:14:11,797 -HENRY: Ellen... -ELLEN (muffled): Yeah? 303 00:14:11,797 --> 00:14:14,066 l told you he had strong genes. 304 00:14:14,066 --> 00:14:16,402 FUNG: Now, splendid Seymourlama, 305 00:14:16,402 --> 00:14:19,405 we must discuss your sacred duties. 306 00:14:19,405 --> 00:14:22,875 You will fly first class on Lo Poa Airlines 307 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:26,746 to the capital city of Platt for seven glorious days 308 00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:30,183 and six unforgettable nights of coronation excitement. 309 00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:33,152 A multitude of handmaidens will carry you 310 00:14:33,152 --> 00:14:35,721 to the flaming crater of Mount Kong. 311 00:14:35,721 --> 00:14:36,856 (glass shatters) 312 00:14:36,856 --> 00:14:38,591 Look, could we skip the spiritual stuff? 313 00:14:38,591 --> 00:14:40,526 You were lucky enough to find me. 314 00:14:40,526 --> 00:14:41,861 Who needs a coronation? 315 00:14:41,861 --> 00:14:44,330 lt's for your people, Your Generosity. 316 00:14:44,330 --> 00:14:46,199 They don't get much entertainment. 317 00:14:46,199 --> 00:14:48,568 (sighs) 318 00:14:48,568 --> 00:14:51,837 Seymourlama desires a Twinkie. 319 00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:53,973 (wind whistling) 320 00:14:53,973 --> 00:14:55,308 (door opens) 321 00:14:55,308 --> 00:14:57,977 You don't get something for nothing in this world. 322 00:14:57,977 --> 00:14:59,679 No even in ''La Pee.'' 323 00:14:59,679 --> 00:15:01,948 Ah, words of wisdom 324 00:15:01,948 --> 00:15:04,584 from the person who claims to be my father. 325 00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:07,286 Unfortunately, l have papers to prove it. 326 00:15:07,286 --> 00:15:09,956 You're being obnoxious. 327 00:15:09,956 --> 00:15:11,891 l have the right to be obnoxious. 328 00:15:11,891 --> 00:15:14,193 Actually, he is correct. 329 00:15:14,193 --> 00:15:16,395 lt goes with the territory. 330 00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:19,262 l'm feeling a little tension. 331 00:15:23,402 --> 00:15:28,774 Listen, l'll do the coronation routine under one condition. 332 00:15:28,774 --> 00:15:32,278 Name it, oh, Brilliant Light in the Dismal Forest. 333 00:15:32,278 --> 00:15:35,481 l want the palace of ''Ly Poa'' wired for sound and cable. 334 00:15:35,481 --> 00:15:38,784 -Wired? What is...? -Stereo. 335 00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:42,054 Quad sound. Television. 336 00:15:42,054 --> 00:15:44,123 FUNG: But, Seymourlama, our mountains 337 00:15:44,123 --> 00:15:45,825 have the best acoustics in the Himalayas. 338 00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:48,160 And we do not watch television. 339 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,830 We watch the seasons go into repeats. 340 00:15:50,830 --> 00:15:52,798 Are you arguing with me? 341 00:15:52,798 --> 00:15:54,500 Would l dare? 342 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:55,901 Okay, it's settled. 343 00:15:55,901 --> 00:15:57,803 l'll go to the big party. 344 00:15:57,803 --> 00:15:59,739 Thank you, thank you. 345 00:15:59,739 --> 00:16:02,675 -(cracking) -Ow! Easy! That hurt! 346 00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:03,943 MADAME WU: Oh! 347 00:16:03,943 --> 00:16:05,745 What is she doing? 348 00:16:05,745 --> 00:16:09,081 Punishing the hand that damaged the inspired one. 349 00:16:09,081 --> 00:16:10,650 Whoa, whoa! Look... Look, just stop her, 350 00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:12,585 because she's going to get blood all over my wool. 351 00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:15,454 (Fung speaks native language) 352 00:16:15,454 --> 00:16:17,456 (Wu wails) 353 00:16:17,456 --> 00:16:19,992 She must atone in some way. 354 00:16:19,992 --> 00:16:21,594 Heh. Good. 355 00:16:21,594 --> 00:16:23,596 You see those baseball cards? 356 00:16:23,596 --> 00:16:27,300 Find Willie Mays. 357 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,894 And eat it. 358 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:35,975 But that... that's one of my favorite. 359 00:16:35,975 --> 00:16:39,412 l'm beginning to enjoy this. 360 00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,614 FUNG: And it does our hearts good 361 00:16:41,614 --> 00:16:43,883 to see you in ecstasy, master. 362 00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:46,118 Uh, take a proclamation. 363 00:16:46,118 --> 00:16:47,820 Plug up the volcano. 364 00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:49,121 Do what?! 365 00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:50,589 (chuckles) 366 00:16:50,589 --> 00:16:53,392 And, uh, before you cap the volcano, 367 00:16:53,392 --> 00:16:56,796 one final sacrifice. 368 00:16:56,796 --> 00:16:57,963 (gong sounds) 369 00:16:57,963 --> 00:16:59,157 No. 370 00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:01,923 Not your own father. 371 00:17:06,405 --> 00:17:08,174 SEYMOUR: Not him-- 372 00:17:08,174 --> 00:17:10,209 his baseball cards. 373 00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:13,579 Every last one of them. 374 00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:15,414 Zap. 375 00:17:15,414 --> 00:17:16,608 (gasps) 376 00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:23,723 Henry can't live without his collection. 377 00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:25,591 Aw. 378 00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:28,828 l'm afraid all requests made by our leader are final. 379 00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:32,565 Well, l'm a leader's mother and l'm telling him to back off. 380 00:17:32,565 --> 00:17:34,362 You were my mother. No more. 381 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:38,337 Did you people ever consider democracy? 382 00:17:38,337 --> 00:17:39,572 Not until we met him. 383 00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:42,408 Oh, forgive my entrails. What am l saying. 384 00:17:42,408 --> 00:17:44,069 Make me a lap. 385 00:17:55,654 --> 00:17:58,057 (sighs) 386 00:17:58,057 --> 00:18:00,593 He looks so peaceful. 387 00:18:00,593 --> 00:18:02,720 Rest well, noble thing. 388 00:18:03,963 --> 00:18:06,532 l had better call home and tell the prime minister 389 00:18:06,532 --> 00:18:08,261 we have found our new lama. 390 00:18:10,202 --> 00:18:12,864 We could still make the 11 :00 news. 391 00:18:15,207 --> 00:18:18,477 l, uh, assume you're calling Lo Poa. 392 00:18:18,477 --> 00:18:20,246 Of course-- collect. 393 00:18:20,246 --> 00:18:23,010 Talk about long distance. 394 00:18:26,385 --> 00:18:30,756 Operator, sincere greetings. 395 00:18:30,756 --> 00:18:34,193 l would like the area code for Lo Poa. 396 00:18:34,193 --> 00:18:36,896 No, it isn't a suburb. 397 00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:38,764 East. 398 00:18:38,764 --> 00:18:42,034 Further. More. 399 00:18:42,034 --> 00:18:43,402 That's it. 400 00:18:43,402 --> 00:18:46,272 Now, l would like to make a person-to-person call 401 00:18:46,272 --> 00:18:48,174 to the exalted Pahn Dak. 402 00:18:48,174 --> 00:18:49,442 Collect? 403 00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:50,543 FUNG: Collect. 404 00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:51,577 This number-- 405 00:18:51,577 --> 00:18:59,118 716-555-0887. 406 00:18:59,118 --> 00:19:03,022 The name of Henry Strand. 407 00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:06,125 255 Daffodil Lane. 408 00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:07,793 Excuse me. 409 00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:11,263 -254 Daffodil Lane. -Ah. 410 00:19:11,263 --> 00:19:16,168 Excuse me. 254 Daffodil... 411 00:19:16,168 --> 00:19:19,271 Never mind. 412 00:19:19,271 --> 00:19:21,640 Excuse me, Mother of Greatness, 413 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,211 but isn't this 255 Daffodil Lane? 414 00:19:25,211 --> 00:19:27,146 l ought to know where l live. 415 00:19:27,146 --> 00:19:30,616 2-5-4. 416 00:19:30,616 --> 00:19:33,118 (speaks native language) 417 00:19:33,118 --> 00:19:35,821 No 55, 54. 418 00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:36,810 Oh, shoot. 419 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,294 l... l don't know how to tell you this. 420 00:19:42,294 --> 00:19:44,330 l hope it's not an inconvenience. 421 00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:45,631 Tell us what? 422 00:19:45,631 --> 00:19:48,000 Hey, hey, wrong house. 423 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,831 MADAME WU: Oops. 424 00:19:51,837 --> 00:19:53,405 (stammering) 425 00:19:53,405 --> 00:19:55,574 But l-l have a parchment. 426 00:19:55,574 --> 00:19:57,810 A contract. l know my rights. 427 00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:59,578 FUNG: l'm very sorry. 428 00:19:59,578 --> 00:20:01,273 -Wait... -No. 429 00:20:03,716 --> 00:20:05,017 Please, please... 430 00:20:05,017 --> 00:20:08,153 No, you-you, what...? 431 00:20:08,153 --> 00:20:11,156 That's our material! 432 00:20:11,156 --> 00:20:12,791 (Henry and Ellen stammering anxiously) 433 00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:15,327 We spent two years looking for sizes! 434 00:20:15,327 --> 00:20:17,763 HENRY: We can work something out! 435 00:20:17,763 --> 00:20:20,099 Good night. Thank you for seeing us to the door. 436 00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:24,331 (wind whistling) 437 00:20:36,081 --> 00:20:38,884 (Seymour yawning) 438 00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:44,857 Seymourlama's waking from his restful, refreshing sleep. 439 00:20:44,857 --> 00:20:47,026 Seymour's hungry. 440 00:20:47,026 --> 00:20:49,328 Seymourlama desires a hamburger, 441 00:20:49,328 --> 00:20:53,465 fries, onion rings, ketchup. 442 00:20:53,465 --> 00:20:55,935 (claps hands) Now! 443 00:20:55,935 --> 00:20:58,137 Get me my food! 444 00:20:58,137 --> 00:21:00,839 Bring me my... whoa. 445 00:21:00,839 --> 00:21:02,341 Get-Get me my... 446 00:21:02,341 --> 00:21:04,009 ELLEN: ls his insurance paid up? 447 00:21:04,009 --> 00:21:08,878 HENRY: He's got two, three weeks of intensive care. 448 00:21:19,792 --> 00:21:23,596 NARRATOR: The dark side is always there. 449 00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:26,131 Waiting for us to enter. 450 00:21:26,131 --> 00:21:29,368 Waiting to enter us. 451 00:21:29,368 --> 00:21:35,568 Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.